I know there are many people that don't have jobs out there, so believe me - I know I am fortunate. But I feel as though I have been trapped with the same company for the last 10 years with no hope of ever escaping. And believe me, I have tried to no avail. Guess this is where God wants me, but it has been such a struggle for me to accept.
Why do I fight it? Well for starters, I always thought that I'd have my own business and naively believed I'd reach millionaire status by age 40. NOT! WTH was I thinking? Oh how arrogant I was. But where does all that come from? Ya see my old man & my uncle are millionaires so I thought that if I went to the same college & majored in accounting like they did and just added water - viola - instant millionaire.
But why does working for someone else continue to tear me apart? After all, I have a steady paycheck (though underpaid for what I do) and have climbed the ladder & earned the respect of my peers & superiors. I think it comes down to fear. I just don't trust anyone & feel that the axe could come down at any time, regardless of how well I THINK I am doing.
But if I had my own business I would not have that worry. Ah, I know, there are a host of other "worries" that each business owner has to deal with. Meeting payroll, sales declines, employee theft, competition, lawsuits, etc. So WTH is my problem?? I guess, right or wrong, that I believe that there is more stability in owning my own business. But maybe God is trying to protect me, yet I just keep fighting Him.
There has been sayings regarding people's "demons" - well this is one of mine. It tears me up inside, it really does. And I have tried to be at peace with where I am, but that demon keeps throwing stuff in front of me to keep the struggle alive. I feel like God is saying: "Don't you trust Me?" Yes. "Then why do you fight Me on this? I have given you stability, a steady paycheck that has provided well for your family & favor at your workplace. Why can't you be at peace with what I am doing for you?" Um, fear of the unknown Lord. Your way is not MY way and for some stupid reason I seem to believe that my way is better. I really don't know how to let go & let You take care of everything. I find it so hard to accept that you may (possibly) want me to stay where I am working for the man for the rest of my life. I am an entrepreneur with great ideas! I'm not cut out for working for someone else. But this has been eating away at my soul for many years - how do I just let go?
I think it may have to do with my parents divorcing when I was 9 years old. I had stability before that event took place. But once it happened, my life changed & I STILL struggle with its residual crap! Suddenly my parents (aka stability) were no longer together (instability) and I was being transferred between 2 homes and in and out of different schools. I played one parent against the other. My parents used me & my brothers at times to get at the other. Ugh how it sucked and it pisses me off to this day that I had to go through it. Unfair, I tell you, unfair. My childhood was stolen from me!
Lesson #1 Learned: I need to let God take care of me and not rely so much on my own desires, which could certainly not be in my best interest. He knows what's best.
Lesson #2 Learned: That divorce sucks and has far reaching & long lasting affects. I have told my wife that no matter how bad things may get, divorce is NOT an option - period! I don't want my kids to go through the bullsh%^ that I went through. Don't think that divorce is the easy way out. It will F you up & everyone in its wake including your kids.
So let's work together and keep that promise to our spouses - "til death do us part." Not that I am a marriage counselor, but some of my recent marital struggles revolved around us not communicating. Make it a point to do that, will ya? Sit down with the TV off and have some deep conversations. And tell ya what: I've got your back in prayer if you'll get mine 'cause I need it too. K? Cool!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Car Inspection - A State Tax IMO
So my car has to be inspected before the end of this month. Otherwise the cop who will be sitting at any given street corner on October 1st will bust me. How beat is that that cops would do that, right? I mean come on, don't you have anything better to do than pull people over because their cars were not inspected? Aren't there murderers, rapists and drug dealers running around? Or maybe it's because the city is so poor (because you mishandled our tax dollars) that you need to give your citizens tickets - that ain't right!
Not that all cops do this. For those that don't, THANK YOU! I have passed you and you let me go & you rock! But your fellow cops who pull us over, I think they need to focus on more important matters.
And unfortunately for me my check engine light has gone off - great! WTH? And now I won't pass inspection until that light is off. WHY? Oh yeah, that's right. Because the government is out to rip me off either directly or indirectly any way that they can. And that means my inspection is gonna turn into a much more expensive venture, which means that I have less money available for my family. Get out of my life!
Yeah maybe I'm paranoid, but in this depression (and shame on those in the media that are trying to put a positive spin on the economy when there are so many people out of work which means less money going into the economy - duh!) I've gotta watch every dime. Hopefully my inspection tomorrow doesn't turn into anything more than that, but for some reason I'm expecting to get bent over and reamed with a $1,000 bill.
I wonder how much the garages kickback to the government. Where is Dateline NBC when you need them.
Lesson Learned (or in process): my money is a blessing from God, so they're really taking His money anyway. And if I truly have faith that He'll take care of us then I need to let it go (though I still have the responsibility of being a good steward of what He has given me). You pray for me & I'll pray for you, K? Cool!
Update: $2,500 just to pass inspection. Just say NO to Saab!
Not that all cops do this. For those that don't, THANK YOU! I have passed you and you let me go & you rock! But your fellow cops who pull us over, I think they need to focus on more important matters.
And unfortunately for me my check engine light has gone off - great! WTH? And now I won't pass inspection until that light is off. WHY? Oh yeah, that's right. Because the government is out to rip me off either directly or indirectly any way that they can. And that means my inspection is gonna turn into a much more expensive venture, which means that I have less money available for my family. Get out of my life!
Yeah maybe I'm paranoid, but in this depression (and shame on those in the media that are trying to put a positive spin on the economy when there are so many people out of work which means less money going into the economy - duh!) I've gotta watch every dime. Hopefully my inspection tomorrow doesn't turn into anything more than that, but for some reason I'm expecting to get bent over and reamed with a $1,000 bill.
I wonder how much the garages kickback to the government. Where is Dateline NBC when you need them.
Lesson Learned (or in process): my money is a blessing from God, so they're really taking His money anyway. And if I truly have faith that He'll take care of us then I need to let it go (though I still have the responsibility of being a good steward of what He has given me). You pray for me & I'll pray for you, K? Cool!
Update: $2,500 just to pass inspection. Just say NO to Saab!
Eco-Orange Cleaning Solution: WTH?
So me and the family are at the neighbors last night for a fiesta themed party. Tacos, nachos, beer, liquor, kids everywhere & neighbors. I'd say maybe 7-8 families. All is going well until the subject of this Eco-Orange stuff came up!
My wife had previously bought some & casually mentioned it to me, but neglected to mention the price of this crap. So when it came up, one of the other people at the party said that it cost like $130 - wha? WTH?? Are you kidding me? I thought 409 was so great. I began going off.
Now I should mention that I am a loud-mouthed and at times abrasive individual, and when I get a few beers in me - watch out! I don't get violent, but the potty humor can reveal itself and if the wrong subject comes up I can get extremely opinionated (e.g., politics, money, etc.). So when I hear that this stuff cost us $80 (my wife didn't go for the larger product thank God!), I began to freak and do not let go of the subject for quite a while.
My wife burries her head and indicates that she's happy that I found out about it in front of all these people vs. at home where I WOULD HAVE went freakin' berzerk behind closed doors. Yeah, she's right & I'm glad it happened that way too because in retrospect I'm ashamed for having given her such a hard time in front of the neighbors. I've got an apology waiting for her when she wakes up (long night=sleeping in late & missed church, oh well).
Anyway, so have you heard about this Eco-Orange?? You should at least be aware of how these people work! They go door to door & sell it (which means my wife opened the door for a stranger - topic covered last night). They do a test and if you fall for it they radio some dude in an unmarked truck who comes barreling up with out of state plates to drop off the goods. Hmmm. Sounds kinda like the guys who stop ya and say "yo, the warehouse at work put an extra pair of speakers in the back of my van & I'll sell them to ya for $50" (unfortunately I fell for that one as a young lad).
Now I've done some initial googling on Eco-Orange and I'm not finding any negative reviews yet which is good. And I'm not saying that the stuff doesn't work because I don't know. But $80?? Come on that is ridiculous. Nothing can be that good. Like I said, and this is not an endorsement unless they wanna send me cash, 409 works great & costs so much less. Rest assured that I will test the stuff, but even if it does work NOTHING is worth $80!
Lesson learned: 1) wives, don't open the door for solicitors - period! Something could've really gone wrong (and it did because I'm out $80, but you know what I mean). Us husbands love you & can't protect you if you open the door for a stranger while we're at work. 2) ADT or any security system would not protect you if you open the door 3) CHERISH YOUR WIFE! I realized, though after the fact & after a good night sleep, that my wife was doing what she thought was in the best interest of the family. She thought (and maybe she's indeed right) that she was buying a quality product that we could benefit from. For that she should not be chastized or belittled in front of others (or behind closed doors) but commended.
Time to go ask for her forgiveness. Have a great day, K? Cool!
My wife had previously bought some & casually mentioned it to me, but neglected to mention the price of this crap. So when it came up, one of the other people at the party said that it cost like $130 - wha? WTH?? Are you kidding me? I thought 409 was so great. I began going off.
Now I should mention that I am a loud-mouthed and at times abrasive individual, and when I get a few beers in me - watch out! I don't get violent, but the potty humor can reveal itself and if the wrong subject comes up I can get extremely opinionated (e.g., politics, money, etc.). So when I hear that this stuff cost us $80 (my wife didn't go for the larger product thank God!), I began to freak and do not let go of the subject for quite a while.
My wife burries her head and indicates that she's happy that I found out about it in front of all these people vs. at home where I WOULD HAVE went freakin' berzerk behind closed doors. Yeah, she's right & I'm glad it happened that way too because in retrospect I'm ashamed for having given her such a hard time in front of the neighbors. I've got an apology waiting for her when she wakes up (long night=sleeping in late & missed church, oh well).
Anyway, so have you heard about this Eco-Orange?? You should at least be aware of how these people work! They go door to door & sell it (which means my wife opened the door for a stranger - topic covered last night). They do a test and if you fall for it they radio some dude in an unmarked truck who comes barreling up with out of state plates to drop off the goods. Hmmm. Sounds kinda like the guys who stop ya and say "yo, the warehouse at work put an extra pair of speakers in the back of my van & I'll sell them to ya for $50" (unfortunately I fell for that one as a young lad).
Now I've done some initial googling on Eco-Orange and I'm not finding any negative reviews yet which is good. And I'm not saying that the stuff doesn't work because I don't know. But $80?? Come on that is ridiculous. Nothing can be that good. Like I said, and this is not an endorsement unless they wanna send me cash, 409 works great & costs so much less. Rest assured that I will test the stuff, but even if it does work NOTHING is worth $80!
Lesson learned: 1) wives, don't open the door for solicitors - period! Something could've really gone wrong (and it did because I'm out $80, but you know what I mean). Us husbands love you & can't protect you if you open the door for a stranger while we're at work. 2) ADT or any security system would not protect you if you open the door 3) CHERISH YOUR WIFE! I realized, though after the fact & after a good night sleep, that my wife was doing what she thought was in the best interest of the family. She thought (and maybe she's indeed right) that she was buying a quality product that we could benefit from. For that she should not be chastized or belittled in front of others (or behind closed doors) but commended.
Time to go ask for her forgiveness. Have a great day, K? Cool!
Welcome to My Man Journal
Well they say that misery loves company - I guess we'll see. This blog is meant to be my personal diary so-to-speak, except that I'm a dude so I'll refer to it as my "man journal."
If you are a guy then you might share in some of the crappola that I'm going through. If you are a woman, then you will be able to identify some of the crappola that your man (if applicable) is going through.
So the title of the blog is "I have got your back - you got mine?" because I DO have your back if your a fellow bro suffering at times as I do. I've got your back in prayer b/c I'm a praying dude. I'll spare you my history that has led to my current spiritual "place" (btw, this blog will be somewhat raw and at times may come off as unchristian sounding because I ain't perfect!) but the one thing that does keep me sane is my faith in Jesus. BUT I'm going through what's been referred to as a "dark night" right now, so even my faith is under attack at times.
The "you got mine?" question is because while I'll be praying for everyone that follows this blog, I would also appreciate you praying for me. I need all the help I can get just as I'm sure you do, too. And that goes for the ladies. I'll be praying for your guys and ask that you pray for me too - cool??
Now this thing is an experiment. If there are enough people that follow then I'll know that I should continue this little project. But if it doesn't go anywhere, then I may just pull the plug on it & disappear. So if you dig this, please feel free to pass the word on to friends & family who may have an interest. Not to say that anyone will ever learn anything of substance, but hopefully if we all stick together and know that we share similar struggles life might get a wee bit easier.
Topics will include marriage, parenthood/kids, work (which sucks), failures, successes (if any show up), spiritual struggles and any other crap that comes along. Just be prepared for vulgarities and rants at times depending on the subject matter. K? Cool!
If you are a guy then you might share in some of the crappola that I'm going through. If you are a woman, then you will be able to identify some of the crappola that your man (if applicable) is going through.
So the title of the blog is "I have got your back - you got mine?" because I DO have your back if your a fellow bro suffering at times as I do. I've got your back in prayer b/c I'm a praying dude. I'll spare you my history that has led to my current spiritual "place" (btw, this blog will be somewhat raw and at times may come off as unchristian sounding because I ain't perfect!) but the one thing that does keep me sane is my faith in Jesus. BUT I'm going through what's been referred to as a "dark night" right now, so even my faith is under attack at times.
The "you got mine?" question is because while I'll be praying for everyone that follows this blog, I would also appreciate you praying for me. I need all the help I can get just as I'm sure you do, too. And that goes for the ladies. I'll be praying for your guys and ask that you pray for me too - cool??
Now this thing is an experiment. If there are enough people that follow then I'll know that I should continue this little project. But if it doesn't go anywhere, then I may just pull the plug on it & disappear. So if you dig this, please feel free to pass the word on to friends & family who may have an interest. Not to say that anyone will ever learn anything of substance, but hopefully if we all stick together and know that we share similar struggles life might get a wee bit easier.
Topics will include marriage, parenthood/kids, work (which sucks), failures, successes (if any show up), spiritual struggles and any other crap that comes along. Just be prepared for vulgarities and rants at times depending on the subject matter. K? Cool!
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